Sponsorship

So getting a sponsor is a suggested idea in al anon, just like aa, it is someone to confide in, someone that will keep you on track, someone that will make suggestions to you to help you be the person that you want to be. Most people cannot recover without a sponsor, it is that person that helps you no matter what, that person that will tell you how it is no matter if it hurts you or not...Just like going to meetings is a suggestion so is getting a sponsor.

Open AA meeting tonight

I attend an open AA meeting every last Tuesday of the month. I use to hate hearing those AA's when i was first in Al Anon, I beleive it was because i hadn't yet forgiven the alcoholics in my life for everything they had done. Now, i beleive, the open meetings help my recovery. I like listening to the before and after stories and what they have gone thru to get to where they are.

After Thanksgiving

So how is everyone doing today???

Did we have some black Friday shoppers??

I worked all day on Friday, i have never gone out shopping that day, it always seems i have to work, but that is ok with me, i don't think i would want to go out and shop. I love shopping online, i can do it in my pj's, there is no one pushing and shoving me, and i can buy whatever i want, and the big one..I DON'T HAVE TO GET UP AT 3 AM TO DO IT!!!

Visit my ebay store for some great deals for xmas!!!! Click on the link on this page!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!

I am grateful for this thanksgiving, my family, my friends...Have a great holiday!!!

more books

When i was in my most co dependent days, i read the books "getting them sober" by Toby Rice...I rented these from the library, there are 3 or 4 of them and they are very good reads.

Perfectionism

So where does perfectionism come from?? I beleive it comes from wanting to be accepted..For instance, if a child gets yelled at all the time, this child may think well if i dont do anything wrong, then i can't get yelled at, so this child tries to be perfect in every way, does everything perfect never wanting to make a mistake. The only thing is....no one is perfect, no one will ever be perfect, everyone makes mistakes and that is why we have the step about making amends, for those mistakes that we do make.

The problem with the above scenario, is when the child does get yelled at..because she/he will...they will try all the more to be perfect until it becomes an obsession and will carry this child into adulthood not even realizing how it is destroying her/his life. The thing is, the child is getting yelled at because the person doing the yelling needs help/not the child, but of course the child doesn't know that in her/his little mind.

perfectionism can destroy a life, can destroy a marriage and can destroy children. Everyone cannot meet the perfectionists standards and therefore feel inferior and not good enough.

Some times just letting things go is for the best.

Books

There are so many books to buy or rent out that a person can read on recovery, go to the internet, the store, or even the library. Books on Alcoholism, recovery, Al Anon..They are all good reads and i know i sure learned alot!!!

Meeting last night

So i learned something at my meeting last night. Step six, can only be done when 1-5 are taken care of.. I have been going to al anon for 7 years and never heard it put that way. We were talking about character defects and how we want them removed and never to have to deal with them again, NOT, doesn't work that way, they always pop up like weeds in a garden for us to work on again. So unless i have taken an inventory and admitted my character defects to myself, god, and someone else, i cannot ask God to remove them. Well that makes sense, how can i ask him to remove something if i don't know what that something is or why i do it...Hmm, something to think about!!

Do I speak up or keep silent??

Ok, so how do you know when you should speak up if something is bothering you or if you should keep silent?? Sometimes i want to speak up, but i can't figure out the correct words to say...So sometimes i keep silent, but i know there will come a time when i will need to speak up, i guess i am just not ready at the moment. Sometimes i have to think about it, or sit in my pity pot a bit, or just keep taking it and taking it until i can't take it anymore. Then i know it is time to speak up. I don't rush these things like i use to, i know when the time is right, i will speak up for myself..

Guilt~so much of it!!

Guilt, ohhh that feeling of doing something wrong to someone. Did you know that there is earned and unearned guilt. Earned guilt is when you did something wrong to someone, and you know it, and you refuse to apologize, the guilt will eat you up inside. Unearned guilt is when someone is trying to MAKE YOU FEEL guilty. For instance, if your daughter asks you to go out to eat, and you say, not today, money is low, and they throw that, "oh we never go out to eat, you don't care about me" thing in your face. That is unearned guilt. We may feel guilty at saying "No' because it is a new behavior for us. But saying "yes" all the time, will make us into a doormat, and people will walk all over us. So i guess, my advise, say yes when you mean yes and say no when you mean no, no more people pleasing...

Anger~~Everyone has it!!

Hot topic of the day~anger!!

So everyone has anger, and anger is an emotion. Sometimes anger is necessary. For instance if a person time and time again keeps forgiving someone for something and doesn't get angry about it, that is an emotion that they aren't using.
What you do about anger is what matters!! Are you a person that "gets even" when mad? Well, that isn't solving anything because you get even, then they get even, then it is your turn etc...
Healthy anger, goes like this....John, i am angry with you, yesterday we agreed to go to the movies together, i was there at 7:00, where were you?? Anger that is expressed in a healthy way is DIRECT anger, stating to someone how you feel directly instead of talking behind their back or indirectly trying to tell them how you feel.
Unhealthy anger, goes like this...John, you stood me up yesterday at the movies, therefore i let the air out of your tires on your car...In this way, the person didn't admit they were angry with John.

So what do you do if you are angry with someone, you told them, and you still feel the rage. Well, maybe talking to someone else about the situation is a good idea, or maybe taking the anger out on your house and cleaning it from top to bottom is another idea. However, taking the anger out on that person, "to get even" is never the answer.

People Pleasing

Ok so, this weeks topic, people pleasing.. Seems to get co dependent people into alot of trouble. So my definition is...doing something for others even if you don't want to and/or doing something for others to get their approval even if it goes against what you want to do...

For an example, picking up extra days at work just to please your boss, getting on their good side, even if it gives you conflict at home because you are working too much, or saying yes to your boss when asked to pick up extra days even if you don't want to... That is people pleasing, sometimes is hard to break that habit. You have to put yourself first even if you know it will disappoint someone else. It doesn't do you any good to say yes and then be angry about it later and say "well if they hadn't asked me, i wouldn't have had to say yes." Just say no!!