So has my life changed after joining Al Anon.. Very much so..I still have times where i fall back and do the same things that i hate doing, but for the most part, things are much better.
Some topics i will discuss soon....people pleasing, (just say no!) anger (big issue!!) being a doormat, guilt (oh there is so much of that) speaking up for myself, and much more...
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Continuation of the Steps
Ok Step 7...humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings...key word here is humbly, if i can't be humble then i still am into myself...
step 8...made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willling to make amends to them all. Wow!!! First of all i have heard all around the tables to put myself FIRST on that list...Because i have hurt myself more than anyone else...Then of course others belong on the list. This step is only asking me to do one thing, make a list.. that is all.
step 9...made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others...making direct amends to some people is easier than others... some people just saying i am sorry is not enough, i have learned that to change my behavior is making amends...instead of just saying i am sorry and then doing the bad behavior again, is not enough, i need to change my behavior to make the amends...
step 10, continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it... i take inventory every night, so that if i need to make amends the next day, i will know, taking inventory of my positives is important also, because that is what i will be building myself on...not always focusing on what is wrong with me...
step 11 sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out...praying for knowledge of his will for me... Wow again..i use to pray as a child, please God if you do this for me, i will be good, if i get an A on that test, i will go to church 2 weeks in a row.. I never knew to pray for knowledge of his will for me and then i have to pray for the power to carry that will out.. Sometimes what is God's will, isn't Kelly's will and i need that power to carry that out...
step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
We tried to carry this message, it doesn't say i have to force people to go to Al Anon, it says i try to carry this message, sometimes carrying it is in my behavior and attitude as much as my informing other people of the existence of Al Anon, most people have never heard of it or if they have, they think it is for the alcoholic.
i posted a book on this site, From survival to Recovery, growing up in an alcoholic home.. It is a good book, it actually is my husband, but i have read it also. I have it listed in my ebay store, my store is kellyscreativeideas..If you are interested, I also have several more al anon books in my store...
Some time i will post my story, i have never told my story, you know, i am nervous about that, but maybe if i post it here, i won't be so nervous...
step 8...made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willling to make amends to them all. Wow!!! First of all i have heard all around the tables to put myself FIRST on that list...Because i have hurt myself more than anyone else...Then of course others belong on the list. This step is only asking me to do one thing, make a list.. that is all.
step 9...made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others...making direct amends to some people is easier than others... some people just saying i am sorry is not enough, i have learned that to change my behavior is making amends...instead of just saying i am sorry and then doing the bad behavior again, is not enough, i need to change my behavior to make the amends...
step 10, continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it... i take inventory every night, so that if i need to make amends the next day, i will know, taking inventory of my positives is important also, because that is what i will be building myself on...not always focusing on what is wrong with me...
step 11 sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out...praying for knowledge of his will for me... Wow again..i use to pray as a child, please God if you do this for me, i will be good, if i get an A on that test, i will go to church 2 weeks in a row.. I never knew to pray for knowledge of his will for me and then i have to pray for the power to carry that will out.. Sometimes what is God's will, isn't Kelly's will and i need that power to carry that out...
step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
We tried to carry this message, it doesn't say i have to force people to go to Al Anon, it says i try to carry this message, sometimes carrying it is in my behavior and attitude as much as my informing other people of the existence of Al Anon, most people have never heard of it or if they have, they think it is for the alcoholic.
i posted a book on this site, From survival to Recovery, growing up in an alcoholic home.. It is a good book, it actually is my husband, but i have read it also. I have it listed in my ebay store, my store is kellyscreativeideas..If you are interested, I also have several more al anon books in my store...
Some time i will post my story, i have never told my story, you know, i am nervous about that, but maybe if i post it here, i won't be so nervous...
Sunday, October 28, 2007
If anyone out there is new to al anon, or has heard about it, but has questions, or has never heard about it...ask, ask...i can answer...there is so much out there to read on the subject...
so i was at step 3....made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him...
hmmmm this is sometimes hard for me but i am getting better at it...to turn over my will..boy when i want something, i just want it, i don't want to have to wait to get it, but i am turning my will over, which means that my higher power knows what is best for me and maybe that thing i am waiting for isn't best for me, maybe i need to wait until something better comes along even though i think this thing is best for me...this step is about TRUST...
step 4...made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves....ok this step for me is about change...i make that inventory, i keep what i like and what i don't like i need to change..this step opens my eyes to the things i do that are hindering my growth...
step 5...admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs...admitting my wrongs is the first step to changing my wrongs after i inventory those wrongs..if i dont' admit i do them, i cannot change them...
step 6....were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character...ok i am ready, please take them away... ah ha...it is not that easy...i may be ready but...ok here is the but...do i still get a pay off from these defects?? in the past they did me some good, so it is hard to remove them when i am still getting a payoff, only when i don't like the payoff or when i see that i am not getting a payoff, will i be entirely ready to have god remove them...hmmm.to have god remove them, not me...wow, i just have to be willing and they will be removed.
anyone out there have any comments.. i would love to talk over this subject with you..
so i was at step 3....made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him...
hmmmm this is sometimes hard for me but i am getting better at it...to turn over my will..boy when i want something, i just want it, i don't want to have to wait to get it, but i am turning my will over, which means that my higher power knows what is best for me and maybe that thing i am waiting for isn't best for me, maybe i need to wait until something better comes along even though i think this thing is best for me...this step is about TRUST...
step 4...made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves....ok this step for me is about change...i make that inventory, i keep what i like and what i don't like i need to change..this step opens my eyes to the things i do that are hindering my growth...
step 5...admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs...admitting my wrongs is the first step to changing my wrongs after i inventory those wrongs..if i dont' admit i do them, i cannot change them...
step 6....were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character...ok i am ready, please take them away... ah ha...it is not that easy...i may be ready but...ok here is the but...do i still get a pay off from these defects?? in the past they did me some good, so it is hard to remove them when i am still getting a payoff, only when i don't like the payoff or when i see that i am not getting a payoff, will i be entirely ready to have god remove them...hmmm.to have god remove them, not me...wow, i just have to be willing and they will be removed.
anyone out there have any comments.. i would love to talk over this subject with you..
the 12 steps
The 12 steps of Al anon are almost the same as the 12 steps of aa. There is only one word change in the 12 steps of al anon. The twelfth step says we tried to carry this message to others, in aa it says we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics.
the first step, some say the hardest one... We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.
in al anon we can say we are powerless over others, or over people, places, and things. This is what i like, because my serenity depends on my accepting the fact that i am indeed powerless over all people, places, and things. When i try to force something to happen, i loose my serenity. For instance, i am powerless over a 150 car train on the tracks when i am stuck behing the tracks and am running late for an appointment. If i forget my powerlessness, i can become very perturbed that i have to wait there and be even more late than i already am. When i accept that i am powerless, i admit that i cannot make that train go any faster than it already is. And me losing my serenity and becoming angry won't change a darn thing.
step two...came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
WOW!!! Now it doesn't say God, because some people don't beleive, have a hard time beleiving, or use to beleive and now don't because so much bad has happened to them. So a power greater than ourselves could be any power that you want to pray to. Some newcomers are suggested that maybe "the group" can be their higher power until they can beleive in their own...
the first step, some say the hardest one... We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.
in al anon we can say we are powerless over others, or over people, places, and things. This is what i like, because my serenity depends on my accepting the fact that i am indeed powerless over all people, places, and things. When i try to force something to happen, i loose my serenity. For instance, i am powerless over a 150 car train on the tracks when i am stuck behing the tracks and am running late for an appointment. If i forget my powerlessness, i can become very perturbed that i have to wait there and be even more late than i already am. When i accept that i am powerless, i admit that i cannot make that train go any faster than it already is. And me losing my serenity and becoming angry won't change a darn thing.
step two...came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
WOW!!! Now it doesn't say God, because some people don't beleive, have a hard time beleiving, or use to beleive and now don't because so much bad has happened to them. So a power greater than ourselves could be any power that you want to pray to. Some newcomers are suggested that maybe "the group" can be their higher power until they can beleive in their own...
al anon recovery
Well I have been in Al Anon for over 7 years now...Some days it just seems like yesterday and some days i still act like yesterday. My husband has been sober also for the past 7 years. But why do i keep going to Al anon?? Well for one thing, i enjoy helping new comers, i feel that if someone was there for me to help me when i was new, i have the responsibility to help those new comers now that are in need.
Also i still need Al Anon, to help me.. So what does this mean...It means that sometimes i react to what people say, it means sometimes i think everything that goes wrong is my fault, it means sometimes i people please, it means sometimes i feel guilty when i state my boundaries and say no....and much more!!!
So does that mean that i am not in Al Anon because of my alcoholic husband??? That is correct.. I am not in al anon to change someone else, i am in there to change myself..Did i start going because of my alcoholic husband...that is also correct, i started going because a counselor suggested i go, because my marriage had fallen apart, because my focus was ALWAYS on my husband, i didn't know where he left off and where i started, and because yes, like some other people in al anon, i wanted to end my life...why??? because i am codependent...
That brings me to a new subject, what is codependent....My definition of codependent is.....a disease that gets progressively worse as the years go on, i focus all my attention on what you want and it doesn't matter what i want...i lose myself in you because i do everything you want and nothing that i want...the more i do it to please you, the more i have to continue to do it to please you...
what does codependent mean to you???? please post your definitions....
Also i still need Al Anon, to help me.. So what does this mean...It means that sometimes i react to what people say, it means sometimes i think everything that goes wrong is my fault, it means sometimes i people please, it means sometimes i feel guilty when i state my boundaries and say no....and much more!!!
So does that mean that i am not in Al Anon because of my alcoholic husband??? That is correct.. I am not in al anon to change someone else, i am in there to change myself..Did i start going because of my alcoholic husband...that is also correct, i started going because a counselor suggested i go, because my marriage had fallen apart, because my focus was ALWAYS on my husband, i didn't know where he left off and where i started, and because yes, like some other people in al anon, i wanted to end my life...why??? because i am codependent...
That brings me to a new subject, what is codependent....My definition of codependent is.....a disease that gets progressively worse as the years go on, i focus all my attention on what you want and it doesn't matter what i want...i lose myself in you because i do everything you want and nothing that i want...the more i do it to please you, the more i have to continue to do it to please you...
what does codependent mean to you???? please post your definitions....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
